


A world without ghosts

by imladrissun



Category: Watchmen (2009), Watchmen (Comic)
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:00:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22078114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imladrissun/pseuds/imladrissun
Summary: Some things change, and some things stay the same. This is a disjointed bunch of different moments that turn into Jon fixing Adrian's mess and sending the two guys to another world, another life. This is the happy ending I wanted to read.
Relationships: Dan Dreiberg/Rorschach
Kudos: 24





	A world without ghosts

Daniel does little things for him, but that's what he seems to like the most. After the laws changed, and that case that Rorschach won't even acknowledge ever existed, he left letters for him once every two days. They had backup 'mailboxes' around the city, so in lieu of calling him he left him messages in that way. 

He didn't get any replies for a long time, but he kept up at it. The old letters were gone when he dropped off new ones after a while. A whole stack gone at once. So Rorschach was picking them up at least; who knew if he was really taking the time to read them all.

After a while the letters were picked up every two days like clockwork, so that was good. Dan started leaving little items with the cards, wrapped in brown paper. At first some candy bars, then some sugar cubes, then coffee became their watchword -- a type of ritual. Before or after patrol, or randomly, Rorschach just shows up. Dan offers him coffee and takes the opportunity to talk to him about whatever he wants to. Sometimes he suggests having a meal if Rorschach looks tired or if Dan feels lonely [both of those things are often true], so they end up eating together a lot. 

Dan loves takeout. His cold, proper upbringing entailed real meals served by staff, so now that he's an adult he always loves to have the all elusive and exotic takeout [any cuisine is acceptable but he likes Chinese the most.]

He's always acting impressed with Rorschach. There's also a giddy fanboy enthusiast side to Daniel as well. His praise and excitement seem to overwhelm and confuse his partner. After they finally get together, the intimacy is weird. It's good, but odd. 

Although how it couldn't be odd seems impossible, really. Rorschach likes to kind of cuddle with him just some skin touching, not even mostly unclothed. The endgame doesn't seem to be the usual thing with him. He appears to enjoy just that: just snuggling. 

He doesn't seem interested in anything else, and he doesn't use his hands like regular people do, ie. touching and so on. He likes to rub his face [half covered by the mask] against Dan's chest, his shoulder, his neck. Surprisingly, he's very clean and smells fine. It's like this is his conception of what being in love with someone means. He's clearly had no regular experiences, or if he has he doesn't do anything normal. He will press his lips [still and closed mouthed] to Dan's skin but it's not kissing in the traditional sense. 

When Dan does kiss him, he doesn't indicate he dislikes it [through body language; he doesn't say much of anything at all, not even a 'ehnk' or 'rarrrlll'.] He keeps his mouth strangely still, closed and unmoving. But he comes back for more sometimes, so the lip thing is something he likes or he's doing it for Dan's sake. It's a wild ride to adjust to his partner's crazy and alien idea of love, but it's worth it. It's sincere, and has an obvious authenticity. 

When they first met, Rorschach didn't understand that Daniel wanted to be partners. He didn't get why he was talking to him beyond the mission parameters. It took months for him to grasp what was going on. Daniel was an innocent, an eager child. Sweet, naive, loving. He poured his kindness all over Rorschach, and it was hard to adjust to.

Daniel made him realize that he didn't even know what kindness was; at first he had no label for how his partner acted. He had figured out eventually that the word for it was goodness, kindness. It was much more uncomfortable than he'd assumed. It made him feel almost worried, a little off kilter. But there was nothing to actually worry about, so he knew his reaction was strange. Daniel wasn't a threat in the least. He could take him down with just words, he wouldn't even need a weapon, if he had to.

It is Daniel who builds him the grapple-gun... the first gift anyone's ever given him. The first not a joke or cast off or fake, the one with love behind it, given with happiness and excitement. Daniel has no idea what real vigilantes are like. He often suggests they do things together that have nothing to do with detecting, gathering information, or fighting criminals. After learning Daniel was Jewish, he'd tried to avoid saying anything about the cabal or the banks, but his newly worded [and non-antisemetic] condemnations of the society are often interrupted by his partner asking weird questions. Not even personal ones. 

Daniel does unexplainable things all the time as if that's his normal -- like suggesting they go Christmas shopping. Rorschach hadn't even know how to answer. Was it a test and he was supposed to say what about Hanukuh? [He's been recently reading up on this type of thing, if only to know what Daniel probably already knows. Who is Rorschach going to be shopping for anyway? He has no one and nothing. Except his mission, of course.

Really, Daniel is the only person he knows at all. The only decent person. And he doesn't even fall into the group that celebrates Christmas. Of course, Rorschach doesn't know how to respond when his partner gives him gifts anyway.

It seemed real, like he truly had that childish innocence left to enjoy such a thing. Daniel is very earnest, very talkative. An open book. The only mask alive that's too good for what he's doing. He has no reason for participating in their mission; he's often seemed incredibly impressed and awed by Rorschach, which is a strange feeling. No one's ever been favorably impressed by him. Just afraid, disgusted, hating him. 

He doesn't know how to react. It's hard to handle. Daniel also does things like comment on how beautiful the snow is, or other nonsensical artsy things. This must be some type of indoctrination from his extensive schooling, Rorschach thinks. Like an odd side effect of Harvard or private school. [He's researched Daniel's background extensively; he had to know who he was working with.]

He gives Rorschach gifts for holidays: totally sincere, telling him he's happy to have a friend. Rorschach doesn't mention this is the first one he's ever had. He doesn't exactly know what a friend is supposed to act like. [He tries his best.] Dan doesn't even seem to want anything, to use that as leverage. Rorschach doesn't really understand; everyone knows you don't get something for nothing.... everyone except Daniel. He wants to do strange things, like talk aimlessly [cheerfully, he usually is], show him his new inventions [or discuss ideas for some], etc. He could talk forever. He doesn't act like Rorschach is odd or stupid when he never contributes to the discussion or doesn't know anything about what he's talking about. Dan is polite when Rorschach wants to go on a diatribe about the city slowly sinking into the morass of disease that it is, so he tries to return the favor.

When they tangle with Twilight Lady he realizes that Daniel just thinks this is a vulgar Hollywood film in real life -- that they're an entertainment, all of the vigilantes and the criminals. It's a diversion for him. Nothing has ever really hurt him in his life, he has no real stake in this fight. He wants a friend, not a fight.

It's depressing. Rorschach had been swept into the fantasy that he shared his mission. He's more into hanging out with Rorschach than taking down a criminal. It just so happens that one includes the other. Daniel is only Nite Owl when they're on patrol, and sometimes not even then. He'll laugh, smile at him, ramble on about aeronautics, engineering or other arcane topics, and act shy, hesitant and like the sweet boy he is. 

Rorschach has such an easier time when he's Nite Owl instead, when he's professional, sharper, quieter, more focused. He doesn't know how to answer these strange casual questions, this non-personal yet eeriely deep cutting wonderings. Daniel wants to know his favorite book [he does like the Bible but doesn't want to bring it up.... and he also hasn't read loads of other books while he's aware that Daniel went to Harvard], his favorite ice cream flavor [it's the swirl but he's rarely had it], it's all too much. 

Somehow these questions are too incisive, destabilizing and upsetting -- so much more than pressing him for his name, day job, address or seeing his skin [under the true face] would be. Daniel already knows the best parts of him: the ones that fight for justice, punish evil, and he knows his true face. To see the hideous redhead that his bodily head represents is not him, not the real him. All of that isn't who he really is.

Dan is the first and only person that's happy to see him ever in his life. It's almost creepy at first, to be positively regarded. Criminals sometimes call Rorschach his dog [well, he is extremely dangerous and ready to tear them to pieces, so they're not too far off -- and Daniel is indeed the voice of restraint between them], but they don't know how backwards that is. It's Dan who's a sweet little friend, following him around on the streets. Rorschach often teaches him things about fighting that only someone sheltered from real street fights wouldn't know. Dan usually fights clean, he doesn't understand you can't do just that. Everyone else on the streets only fights dirty.

Dan's identity is almost upsettingly easy to figure out; once he brings Rorschach to his lair of equipment, it's simple to figure the rest out. Dan isn't afraid of him at all; it doesn't seem to occur to him that Rorschach could hurt him, blackmail him. It's almost a let down to know that while he may be the terror of the streets, he's a nothing to someone who's barely even seen the streets, much less visited them. Daniel doesn't seem to register him as a threat at all. He trust him almost immediately, and Rorschach hates himself for how that makes him feel: a mix of worry, emotion, excitement and embarrassment.

It doesn't occur to Dan that he should protect himself at all. He's never on the defensive, or offensive even. He's just there, happy and open, cheerfully tinkering with his creations, machines and Archie. He wants Rorschach's company the way a child clings to it's only toy. It's flattering sometimes, uncomfortable the rest of the time. It feels weird to spend time this way, to act out this type of almost foreign seeming 'leisure', and Rorschach can only tolerate it for so long. Other people pursue Dan, [both in his 'day' life and as Nite Owl], but he is never interested unless they are impossible to really be with. Laurie and the Twilight Lady are on the top of that list, Rorschach thinks resentfully. It's like he's more into the fantasy of the flirtation than the real thing. 

Dan is never interested in the regular people who like him for him [Rorschach notices and also follows him sometimes during Dan's civilian life], or the few masks that talk to him. He practically turns down Adrian's overtures of 'friendship' [definitely more, Rorschach thinks, but he doubts Dan realized this] without even pausing but wheedles Rorschach into hanging out at the lair. 

It takes more than a year for Rorschach to realize that he himself is the one Dan wants to spend time with over other people. His company is desired. It makes him feel nervous, yet special. Excited, yet fearful. Dan can be more frightening than an alleyway full of thugs. He thinks nothing of being so intimate, so personal. It's hard to handle. He has nothing to give Daniel, who has such little sense of self-preservation he leaves his opened mail piled up in the kitchen on the side table after he's read it. Everything is one sided: it's Daniel who has endless amounts of money, who's a genius with engineering. What is Rorschach but violence incarnate? The one thing Dan's not really into. He's beyond wealthy in a way Rorschach can't even comprehend. He spends all his time with either Rorschach, Archie the ship or the old Hollis Mason, which seems odd. Rorschach wasn't sure, but he thought regular people did more than that socially. Not that he'd really know, though.

From what Rorschach has learned of regular rich people, they live much more obnoxious, flaunting, morally corrupt lives. They create families they resent, cheat on each other and throw money around. Yet Daniel seems honestly charmed by getting a free eggroll if they order takeout for the eleventh time from the local Chinese spot, and has inexplicable, boring hobbies like birdwatching. 

During Rorschach's daily life, when he walks around with his sign, he finds that his invisibility as a street weirdo gives him the ability to watch Daniel on his errands. So he follows him around sometimes. It's for his own safety, Rorschach thinks. As Nite Owl, Daniel is sharp and focused. Without his costume on, he's forgetful, distracted by his thoughts and doesn't take any precautions. 

He doesn't even treat Daniel like the other crime fighters anymore. If anyone else talked to him so frankly, touched him absently, treated him with such gentleness--well he'd definitely start with punching and escalate from there. Rorschach looks out for him, listens to him, tries his best to come up with something to say in response to a long ramble about the moons of Saturn. Apparently they are of interest. Rorschach isn't really sure why, but Daniel looks so enraptured, talking about it.

He does not give Daniel gifts. He is too nervous to pick anything first of all [what if he doesn't like it? Or finds the item too pedestrian? Or is offended, or disappointed, by how non-special it is?], and second -- what could a no one give a billionaire? So he skips all holiday gift situations. He does show up though, because he knows now that Daniel will always give him things. They are always wrapped just a little not symmetrically, which is funny because he's usually so good with creating things. If he doesn't show up Daniel might be angry with him, or more realistically, disappointed. 

Daniel is almost always gentle with him, he acts like Rorschach isn't the terror of the streets. Like he's fragile. Rorschach submits to his hugs and arm patting with heroic levels of aplomb given how uncomfortable he feels. He knows this is different than a random person unknowingly violating his boundaries. This is someone whose instinct is clearly to seek closeness with others. Although not with many, really, given Daniel's small social calendar. Somebody has to watch out for him, so Rorschach vets everyone he spends time with, just to make sure nothing's amiss.

After the Roche case, he has a hard time doing much of anything. It's like a dam has broken inside him somehow, and all he feels is the sadness, horror, fear and pain that girl must have felt. He can't make it stop, and he doesn't know if it's possible to self-medicate it [it gets so bad he knows he has no choice but to look into that, but the few painkillers he tries don't do anything.] It hurts so much he can't go and see Daniel, he does not work, he just tries to stop feeling. Eventually he starts to try to venture out, but that goes poorly the first few times. 

Criminals can't see a Rorschach that is anything less than more of a dangerous monster than them. He can't show weakness. So he turns back. Before he didn't wear the mask while at home in his apartment, now he feels intense hysteria when even thinking about taking it off. One attempt to go to the lair to see Daniel fails, so he decides to leave a message at one of their letter spots, a way to communicate since Rorschach doesn't have a phone [and also doesn't trust them.] He routinely sweeps Daniel's home for bugs. 

He finds the letters. Daniel's left a lot for him, and they get increasingly worried, he finds, as he reads them in his apartment. He can't go see him. He feels sick from his short trip outside. He needs to feel strong again--to be the best version of Rorschach he can be--before he goes back to Daniel, who will only ask endless questions. He is aware that he can't talk about this without have another episode where days pass without him noticing. Dan starts leaving food with his letters. It's appreciated. He even leaves a can opener with the first set of cans.

Most importantly, he doesn't try to catch him getting the letters. The new letters are calmer and Rorschach devours them. They are the only thing he can seem to mark time by; when he goes by the mailbox there is always a new one. Sometimes there's a coke bottle or bag of sugar cubes. It takes all his strength to retrieve the items, but he has to do it, he thinks. Not only does he know his body needs food, Daniel might come looking for him if he doesn't take the new mail. He has to get better so that he can go mete out justice.

He cannot see him yet. Daniel brings out the worst in him, and he can't risk that right now. He makes him feel less like iron, less mechanical and less protected by barbed wire. Daniel is the only person that could provoke real, personal emotion in him. He could crumble him like a handful of sand with just words. And Rorschach knows he would, without meaning to. Kindness would kill him right now; he has to build himself back up into a real Rorschach again. 

It takes a long time. Dan is happy to see him when he finally turns up one day, but he's concerned about the reports of Rorschach's murders. He doesn't expect Dan to understand. Unsurprisingly, Daniel does not like it. He still treats him like a friend who hasn't changed, and Rorschach is grateful for the pretense. He is aware he will never be the same. 

When he hears about the new law, he immediately thinks about Daniel and how he will retire. He doesn't have the constitution [or attitude] to break the law so openly. It turns out Dan has an idea, though--he will do the detecting in plain clothes that he's always done, and he's already built Rorschach an earpiece and a tiny camera to wear on his trench coat. He'll be able to see everything in real time and advise him on tactics. 

It's strange but Rorschach will do anything to keep Daniel with him, so he goes with it. Dan's voice is always in his ear. At the end of his patrol he goes back to the lair to see him in person. There's always a cup of coffee already there for him, nice and sweet. 

Daniel has always been too trusting -- almost immediately after meeting Rorschach and fighting along side him, he wants to be friends, partners. Rorschach's never had either and isn't sure how it works exactly, but regardless Daniel doesn't even know who he is. He could be anyone, a criminal plant, a monster, anything. Dan has to be protected from himself sometimes. Rorschach tries to explain to him how dangerous and foolish that is, how his blind trust in people will get him hurt, but Dan doesn't seem to get it. He doesn't get a lot of things. 

He lives in a little fantasy. In a sweet house that's spotless, perfectly clean, expensive everything everywhere. [It's like being in an eerie museum of artifacts... once in youth he went to the Met for free.] He's like a little princess in a tower who has no idea that the rest of the city isn't similar. Though he's seen some filth. Despite patrolling with Rorschach, he's still untouched, spotless. His soul is pristine, and he's still gentle. Rorschach worries about him a lot. If they see real evil on the streets it will upset Daniel and possibly crush him. Rorschach deliberately doesn't involve him in the more heinous cases. Daniel's too soft to see that kind of horror. 

Even after Roche he's glad that Daniel wasn't involved. He's this safe place, his kind, childish visage always welcoming and cheerful. He's not ruined by the black oil of death and suffering that Walter has been drowned in [and didn't survive.] Rorschach is strong, he has to protect his weaker partner. 

When Rorschach goes full bore at Dr. Manhattan, Dan inserts himself into the proceedings and manages to convince him that the best thing to do is simply erase nuclear capability from the time -- and Adrian too. "Yes," Jon says out of nowhere, looking at Rorschach. "You are. So you should be." And so with a snap of his fingers, Adrian's arctic palace is gone, and so is Jon. 

Also, they're back in his childhood house. Dan's holding his acceptance letter to Harvard; he's young again. The memories appear to him--the ones of his life in the Keene Act world. 

Jon had them be children together, his family simply adopting Peter -- well, Rorschach, he newly corrects himself -- as a baby. His name is Peter Dreiberg. Now that they're older, their latent memories are coming back to them. Even without either of them remembering their 'real', previous lives, Rorschach had a natural, strong kinship with him, even beyond being brothers. Jon had them grow up innocently, and they were both happy. Remembering a world that now doesn't exist feels weird.

The look on Rorschach's face [the skin one] communicates the same emotion. He's in shock. He's also in with Harvard, or so says the letter he's holding as Dan looks over it. It fills him with a strange happiness, to know they've had a happy life as family and now can go to school together. There's so much he wants to do.

Without an abusive upbringing, Rorschach was a happier, more centered person. Intense and unique? Yes, but not disconnected with society and other people. He's been in a wealthy family for his whole life now. He's naturally a little different, less liberal and cheerful than Dan is, but he's grounded and his intense bond with Daniel makes him very protective of him. Even in another timeline, he's much more naive than his partner. 

Rorschach is staring at him, he realizes, and tries to look reassuring. This is such a great situation, he thinks. We're no longer just young adults going to school, we're armed with all this extra knowledge. Unfortunately, Rorschach looks progressively more unhappy as all of it sinks in, so Dan gathers him up in his arms. He's a very tactile person in this world, so different than the memories of that odd other timeline. 

Rorschach doesn't say anything for the rest of the day, and Dan tries to avoid using either of his names. He's a bit older than his bro--well, friend, he realizes--and has been attending a cutting edge experimental school for engineering while waiting for Rorschach to be old enough for college. Then they were going to go to Harvard together. He knew he wanted it that way. He didn't like to be separated from Dan [who was so thrilled someone wanted to spend time with him that he'd handwave anything.]

"Daniel," he whispered. It was his regular voice, Dan thought, relieved. No Rorschach-like low tones. His, or well, 'their' parents had died already, an Dan had inherited everything as the elder son. His brother was well provided for though, and Dan knew Rorschach didn't even want that responsibility. He had sometimes expressed that being adopted made him feel like he wasn't a real Jewish person or his real brother, but they had always tried to comfort him. 

This new information explained a lot. Dan could totally understand everything now. He also couldn't stop thinking of him as Rorschach instead of just as his brother. "Hey," he said, finally answering him. "How are you doing?" he asked. Rorschach had kind of devolved into a limp figure under Dan's bedcovers. He lay beside him on top of the blankets with a hand on his back. This could be rough for him, he thought. All Dan had to remember was the Keene Act. 

Rorschach had to remember the horrible things he'd seen. Dan still only knew some of it; he knew his early life had been very bad from Rorschach's little hints, and of course the cases he'd taken on alone were extremely violent, shocking and gruesome. He never let Dan in on anything that the devil himself would turn away from in shock. 

"Hmm," lightly hmm'ed, was the only response. At least it's not as low as Rorschach's 'hurm' would be, Dan consoled himself. "Well, happy to not be the other me." Dan blinked his eyes open, surprised to hear more. 

"I'm happy too," he said. And he was. Rorschach let Dan take the lead in their intellectual affairs, as he often did. He had developed a great talent in design, and had already had been apprenticed to a top designer. Dan's family connections had helped him get a foothold in the industry, and he had flourished. 

He was smart, and had been tutored, but did not have Dan's aptitude for numbers, machines, engineering and the STEM world. Rorschach was creative, poetic and deep. "We can't just start being vigilantes like that," he said, and Dan was surprised. He's never been more relieved to notice a pronoun. 

"I agree--" he started, but Rorschach was apparently going to keep going. "We have a second chance. We should try to make a difference." That was more his thing than Dan's. He had always been about helping the less fortunate, even in a world where he'd also been handed a silver spoon. He turned over to look at his partner. 

"I want to create something self-sustaining, something that can change this city for the better, Daniel," he said, and all at once Dan felt his intense stare as something else. Rorschach had always cared for him in particular, being more lenient with him and looking out for him. Now he was looking at him with unmistakable love. It was just as deep and authentic as the rest of him--in any timeline. 

Dan smiled at him, and Rorschach ducked his head away. He was, even here, embarrassed by emotion. "Let's plan it then. I'm going to want to build Archie again eventually, even if he's only a way to get to the Hamptons." He couldn't help but lean forward and respond when Rorschach put his arms around him. In the absence of a bad life, his friend reached out to him much more often, he thought. Free from that influence, he was more confident and willing to play the rules more often. 

There was still an edge to him though--that was all him. And so they went to Harvard, and shared a room. Daniel started to realize how much Rorschach loved him, and didn't know what to do about it. He'd never approved of the girls he'd dated, and never done much dating himself, but it had always been lowkey and not a big deal. Dan assumed he was just not into any type of person until Rorschach asked him if he still thought of him as his brother. 

He definitely didn't in the sense of blood relation. Their bond was more unbreakable than blood, he though. Neither of them would every marry and desert their shared feelings and shared world. And that was before, now it was out of the question.

"Do you think I'm different?" he asked Rorschach one day, idly. They were both working on designs. Rorschach liked it when the sketched things together. He'd expected his friend to say no, he wasn't very different.

"Yes, Daniel," Rorschach said instead. "You're nothing like your other self. You're fulfilled here, content. You do not desire drama." Dan stared at him, unconscious of his mouth falling open. He didn't even totally get what that meant. It was not something Peter would say... but it was also not something Rorschach would say either. Rorschach glanced up and gave him an intent look. "You are the more perfect expression of your true self here in this time," he explained, and Dan realized that was meant to comfort him.


End file.
